


Give Me a Reason

by youtomyme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Angel, M/M, Season 5 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-01
Updated: 2013-05-01
Packaged: 2017-12-10 03:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youtomyme/pseuds/youtomyme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel snapped his fingers, and nothing happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me a Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 30kisses over on Livejournal. Theme is #16. reason for existing.

Gabriel snapped his fingers, and nothing happened.

He gritted his teeth and lowered his gaze. He knew it would happen, he _knew_ it, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Neither could he feel his wings anymore, _none_ of his numerous wings, making him feel light and liable to topple over at any given second.

‘You okay?’ Dean said gently, reaching out to touch Gabriel’s shoulder.

‘I’m fine,’ Gabriel said brusquely, shrugging Dean’s hand off. But he wasn’t fine – he didn’t know the first _thing_ about being human, he had to think of so much now, like regular meals and showers and sleep –

‘Yeah, you will be,’ Dean said with a faint smile. It was a pretty lame attempt at comfort, but it made Gabriel feel a bit better anyway. Dean and Sam wouldn’t leave him to die after all.

Things did not start looking up afterwards. 

There was pain _everywhere_. Without his wings constantly hooked into a metaphysical state of being, he kept falling around, bruising knees and elbows on tabletops and the floor. Sam said they’d have to pad every hard surface of their motel rooms if they wanted to keep Gabriel alive by the end of the week, and Gabriel surprised himself by becoming so furious, he stormed out of the room.

Half an hour later, Dean dragged him back inside, kicking and cursing while Sam sullenly apologised.

‘Fuck you,’ Gabriel spat at him. ‘I don’t want your half-assed apologies.’

‘Suit yourself,’ Sam scowled.

‘Hey!’ Dean spun Gabriel around and held him by the shoulders to glare into his face. Gabriel looked back mutinously. ‘What’s wrong with you, huh? He said it as a joke.’

‘It wasn’t a nice one,’ Gabriel snarled.

‘Yeah, but you don’t make nice jokes either,’ Dean snorted. Then a dawning realisation appeared to come over him, and he kicked Sam out of the room.

‘Listen, Dean –‘ Gabriel said, the fight draining out of him.

‘No, _you_ listen,’ said Dean. ‘I know you’re irritated that you don’t have balance anymore, but you can’t snap at people because of it, okay?’

‘Why _not_?’ Gabriel demanded.

‘You’re _angry_ ,’ Dean said patiently. Taking a recently-fallen angel into your team was, apparently, very much like raising a child with the temper of a petulant teenager. ‘But you can’t take it out on Sam. Being human means controlling your temper.’

For a second, to Dean’s utmost horror, Gabriel looked like he was about to cry. But Gabriel quickly pulled himself together, blinking rapidly and smoothing out his anger. ‘It’s hard,’ he said.

‘Yeah, I know. If you find yourself feeling that way, just think of something else that’ll cheer you up.’

‘Like what?’

Dean looked blankly at him for a moment. ‘You’ll think of something,’ he said finally.

Food was another problem. Gabriel had thought that food would be a breeze in comparison with the other shit he’d have to deal with as a human, but no. Food was a big problem.

For one, he had no appetite for greasy diner food.

‘Come on Gabriel, eat something,’ Dean said, thrusting a plate of fries under Gabriel’s nose. ‘It’ll make you feel better.’

‘Actually, it makes me feel mostly sick just looking at it,’ Gabriel said curtly.

‘Leave him alone Dean, it’s his funeral,’ Sam said.

‘And my grave he’ll be haunting,’ Dean said darkly.

‘I wouldn’t haunt _you_. I _like_ you,’ Gabriel said, and Dean smiled.

‘Exactly.’ Dean nudged Gabriel gently. ‘Just pick something you think you might like off the menu, will you? Do you want to go somewhere else after this?’

Gabriel nodded glumly.

They finally ended up buying him a sandwich which made Dean cough and peer into his wallet with an expression of alarm until he saw how miserable Gabriel looked.

‘Cheer up and eat your sandwich,’ he said exasperatedly. ‘It’s fine. We all have needs.’

It was a long time before Gabriel could stomach the cheap food Dean and Sam lived on, and in the mean time, Dean snapped at Gabriel a little more often, and much to Sam’s dismay, Gabriel went whining to Sam.

‘Do you think it’s _my_ fault?’ Gabriel said.

And because Sam was a kind and thoughtful human being, he said, ‘I guess not.’

‘I was doing my best for you guys! That’s why I fell!’

‘Dean knows that.’

‘But he still harps on me and gets mad at me all the time.’

‘Just because it’s not your fault doesn’t mean Dean doesn’t have the right to get annoyed,’ Sam said exasperatedly, wishing Gabriel would go away.

‘ _He’s_ the one who told me controlling my temper is what it means to be human.’

‘Yeah, but –‘ God help him, Sam was losing it. If he had to have some kind of sit-down with his brother’s boyfriend about the intricacies of human nature, he’d probably unleash the full wrath of Lucifer all by himself on Dean. ‘- that doesn’t mean you have to be some kind of – of _saint_ or something. It’s okay to get annoyed sometimes.’

‘Then can I get annoyed that Dean is annoyed?’ Gabriel asked after a moment’s thought.

‘Are you a fucking toddler?!’ Sam wanted to scream. He nodded.

‘Thanks.’ Gabriel smiled and left, probably to drive Dean up the wall next. As long as it wasn’t _Sam_ being driven crazy, he was fine with it.

Clothes were a somewhat more minor problem. Sometimes Sam found his shirts in Dean’s bag, presumably after Gabriel had looked at them to see if they would fit him, and picked Dean’s clothes instead. They were still too big on him though, but Dean made Sam swear not to say anything because it amused him very much to see Gabriel rolling up the sleeves and pushing them underneath his coat when he thought no one was looking. Sam wouldn’t have said anything either way anyway. He thought it was pretty funny too.

Except, of course, when Dean lost shirts, and thusly his temper, at an increasingly faster rate, because when two people share one wardrobe and get into fights, the wardrobe depletes at a much faster rate than if it was a wardrobe used only by one person. Dean yelled at Gabriel until Sam finally took pity on the angel and took him out for a bit of clothes shopping.

The whole time, it was pretty obvious Gabriel was trying to be nice, but he hadn’t exactly had a lot of practice. He kept glowering at corners as if he could smite Dean from that distance just with the power of his mind.

‘Gabriel, are you even listening?’ Sam sighed.

‘Sorry, no.’ Gabriel redirected his attention to Sam with difficulty.

‘Doesn’t it ever bother you that Dean is always getting mad at you?’ Sam stopped to say. ‘I mean, you guys are kind of like friends most of the time –‘

‘That’s why it doesn’t,’ Gabriel interrupted. ‘Even if he hates me, he still likes me sometimes.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s the most I have right now.’

Sam felt a little guilty and also a little jealous. After all, it wasn’t just _Dean’s_ team they were talking about here.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘So do you want shirts or button-ups?’

‘Button-ups,’ Gabriel said promptly. ‘They’re way sexier.’

‘Even with the sleeves pushed up?’

‘I hate you,’ Gabriel glared and Sam chuckled.

-

‘How’re you feeling?’ Dean asked.

Gabriel groaned and buried himself underneath the covers. ‘No.’

‘No what?’ Dean said amusedly.

‘No, I don’t want to talk to you.’

Dean reached into the mass of sheets and touched Gabriel’s hair. ‘You sure?’

‘I only want to talk to you if you can make the heat go away.’

‘Well I can’t promise anything, but I can try.’

The angel peeked out from underneath his cotton fortress. ‘Do you think you could ask my dad when I’ll get my powers back?’

‘Don’t think he’d answer if I tried.’

‘Of course not,’ Gabriel said irritably. ‘That’s my dad for you.’

‘Don’t worry about it too much,’ Dean said hurriedly. ‘Sam’s gone out to buy one of those sandwiches you like so much, okay? You need to eat, it’ll make you feel better.’

‘I doubt that.’

‘Trust me.’

‘Yeah.’ Gabriel managed a smile as he pulled himself into a sitting position. ‘I don’t know how normal humans can _function_ all the time, what with getting sick and having to eat and not being able to fly.’

‘That’s why most people are born as babies first,’ Dean nodded, trying to look serious. ‘They use those years to get used to it.’

‘I can _tell_ you’re making fun of me, you know.’

‘Wouldn’t be fun if you _didn’t_ know.’ Dean had moved almost without realising it, and his face was several inches away from Gabriel’s now. Gabriel’s eyes were bright from fever and there was emotion in there that Dean recognised – Gabriel truly _did_ trust him to make things better, and he hated it.

‘I can’t do all that, you know,’ he snapped.

‘Do what?’ Gabriel said with surprise.

‘Get you back your powers and everything.’ The unfairness of it was coming down on Dean like a landslide; he _hated_ having to think of everyone all at once. He could bear Sam, he was _supposed_ to take care of Sam, but to think about Castiel, who was already so close to losing every last one of his powers, and a Gabriel who had already done all that? That shouldn’t have to be his job, damn it! ‘You shouldn’t –‘ He stood up abruptly. ‘You shouldn’t trust me to do that.’

‘I know you can’t do that,’ Gabriel frowned. ‘I didn’t say I –‘

‘No, but that’s why you’re sticking around with us, right? Because you think we’ll find the answer somehow?’

‘Well, yeah, things are always happening to you guys –‘

‘Yeah.’ Dean gave a hollow laugh. ‘Yeah, things are _always_ happening to _us_. God thinks anything needs fixing, he dumps it on _us_.’

‘I’m not a thing that needs fixing,’ Gabriel said testily. He was quickly getting riled up, too. ‘I just don’t have anywhere else to go.’

‘Bullshit,’ Dean said bitterly. ‘What about all those gods you’re buddy-buddy with, huh? Aren’t you Loki, God of Mischief?’

‘You mean the gods who my brother killed?’ Gabriel said coldly. A chill descended on the atmosphere between them.

‘Sorry,’ Dean mumbled despite himself. 

‘I don’t make friends easily, Dean,’ Gabriel went on in a frosty tone of voice. ‘I think it’s pretty obvious why.’

‘You never made much of an effort?’

‘Shut up,’ Gabriel said, directing a poisonous look at the hunter. ‘Are you trying to kick me out?’

This threw Dean off completely. ‘What? No!’

‘Then why are you saying all this?’

‘Because –‘ Dean deflated a bit and sat down again, a little further from Gabriel this time. ‘Because I don’t want you to think I _can_ do all that, okay?’

‘I don’t,’ Gabriel relaxed a bit, leaning against the headboard. Dean was guiltily reminded that Gabriel was sick and shouldn’t exert himself. ‘But you guys are always lucky. And I like hanging out with you guys.’

Dean opened his mouth to say ‘You call us _lucky_?’, and then Gabriel’s second sentence reached his brain.

‘You really like hanging out with our killjoy brothers?’

‘I mostly meant you,’ Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. ‘But yeah. Even if I thought I could find a way to get my powers back elsewhere, I’d probably still hang out with you two – and my brother – a lot. You guys have fun.’

When Dean failed to find an answer, Gabriel shifted around and lay back down with a sigh. He said something very quietly, something that made Dean’s heart stop for the briefest of moments.

‘Don’t say that,’ Dean said, moving closer. ‘I _know_ it’s not, but don’t you even _think_ about it.’

‘Easier said than done,’ Gabriel said, only somewhat acridly.

‘I’ll help,’ Dean said in a moment of boldness, and reached forward for the kiss he had been previously aiming for. It was awkward, the position they were in hindering the entire process somewhat, but it was still a kiss, and Gabriel was real and warm underneath Dean’s hands.

‘That’s the most roundabout way I have ever been asked out,’ Gabriel said when Dean broke away, and Dean grinned.

‘Did it work?’

‘You mean, do I want to go out with you?’ Gabriel pressed his face against Dean’s shoulder. Dean almost thought he wanted to cuddle, until he realised that he just wanted relief from how hot he was burning. ‘Yes. But later. Much later.’

‘Okay.’ Dean wrapped his arms around Gabriel. ‘Whenever you want.’

‘You better make it worth it,’ Gabriel said.

Dean heard the double meaning, and pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s head. ‘I will,’ he promised.


End file.
